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| Its been almost a year wow since my last update. blogging is really dead huh?
so here we are now in 2012. i cant say much for my career. the last post i mentioned i was tired. and a year on i'm still feeling tired and fatigued. i dont seem to be doing anything about it. i think the Dec period where there was a boost in the number of gigs that i played in helped to get rid of all that tiredness.
but its 2012, another year. i find myself even more burned out than before. i'm facing possibly the biggest lull in my teaching career so far. 5-6 students decided to stop lessons right after i took a much needed one month break in march 2012. some expected, some werent. the scary part about all this is that i dont care less about how much less i'm earning. in fact i'm more than happy to just teach less just to make myself feel happier. and i really dont know if thats a good thing or not.
anyway the break in march wasnt that good at all. i found myself immersed in projects involving Eli playing at Starbucks all over the island to promote his album. well not good in the sense that i did not achieve a full percentage of my goals. which was to practice and be technically better in my playing especially with jazz soloing. one month is a very short time though. still the project with Eli is paying off somewhat and i find myself doing high profile gigs playing at Men's Fashion Week and Singapore Arts Fest which i think i will never have the chance to experience should it be a different route. and there is the high possibility of touring in Korea, Japan, Thailand and Phillippines. i cant wait. mostly because i cant wait to get out of the country and relax and take my mind off the stress and routineness of my job.
NS is really killing me. some of my army mates have ROD for a whole year while i'm still stuck in limbo. meaning i have to take my IPPT and of course i have to attend RT. which is totally destroying my schedule and not only that my already dwindling income. i called the unit to ask if i can be slotted into one of the batches but they just said that they have no plans for me. fuck. no plans?? then what do i do then? wait 2-3 more years while i drag my feet to take IPPT when i could/should have been done already like 2 years ago? where is the fairness in all this? why is the last lap of any event in my life so difficult? its times like these that i have difficulty in faith just in general. how do i connect my understanding of trust?
well the only consolation is that at least i get to exercise and keep fit. maybe just maybe i'll be able to clear my IPPT for the next working year and that will set my mind at ease.
i thought about going overseas to study this year. but i'll see how Eli's plans go and i'll make a decision then.
got into another dating situation with this girl i met online. that didnt go too well and i let myself get tempted to try again to make it work a second time round despite my telling her that i wasnt into her. felt like shit the first round but i was so sure the second time that i really didnt want anyhting to do with her that it felt easier.
maybe i'm just setting my standards too high that i seem to be filtering out everybody else. and sometimes i get too caught up in my own listlessness that i just neglect everything else.
its been a year since my last post. i think i better do something about my life right now or else i dont want to be 40 and writing the same thing again.
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| May was the busiest month so far, maybe not the busiest in my career but certainly it was packed and i got paid accordingly for it.
Right up to the 31st i had something to do and it involved doing a recording for Eli T. at power98 station, ok my part cant be heard clearly at all but at least there was the experience of being in a radio station again.
So yeah it has been a good month so far, gigs and a wedding to top it all off. now its just like lullville. a lot of my students have gone overseas for their annual summer vacation and i have no gigs that are coming up for June, its kind of funny how suddenly i'm so free save for one or two projects i'm finishing up right now.
but it couldnt have come at a better time i guess, i do really need a break from teaching and just practicing more. whilst i do have classes to teach at least i have more time to just prac and try to improve myself. and to start thinking about what my next step is. i've got material to work with since i took some videos and nows the time to just build up a profile to show everyone what i'm capable of.
oh i decided that i will just sign up for busking. i could really use with the extra money now since times are bad and i have like a $2000 amp waiting.
i seriously am not sure about my next move, maybe i'm tired and lonely and thats whats affecting my mood right now. I do feel that nows not a good time to just completely stop but i sure could use with the break
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| theres a perfectly good reason why this entry is two months after! well been busy with various projects and i feel nows the right time to blog.
May has been a really busy and exciting month, well at least so far. its just funny how i have all these projects bunching up together just before 18th of may and then suddenly theres nothing, just back to my teaching and nothing else, save for a last min wedding gig on the 28th.
good in the sense that its healthty for my playing as a musician. so far the gigs/projects have been very varied. from a jazz quartet to a rock and roll dance band i think i've pushed myself to try and match up to the expectations i set for myself. and i've got good video footage i can use as well to promote to event organisers as well so i think its quite amusing that all these reference materials made itself available for me to promote within such a short period of time.
there were some bad points though, didnt do too well for annettes wedding, despite practicing for a few months i fucked up the march in song Jesu JOy of etc, and i dont think i'm going to use the video so i've got to think of a way to record a nice video and use it hmm...
i also did a recording project with a singer i met. this one was just weird, weird in the sense that i was seen as a newbie who needed guidance in learning to do solos. whilst i bit my tongue and humbled myself to learn under someone who claims to know whats best to write a good guitar solo despite not learning guitar, i felt silly lah. he really wanted simple solos that seriously i could do in my sleep. YES i needed some pointers in my playing in pop music even at this stage but it just felt like i wasnt allowed to fully do what i wanted to do. it made me think though about how i'm just playing notes and churning out lines instead of thinking like an electric guitarist and just using effects etc to make my solo interesting. i guess its a result of playing too much acoustic so i probably need to try and get back to playing more electric.
i count myself lucky that i got out of playing at a regular gig at St Regis as well. i auditionedwith the singer who does hotel gigs and my position was shaky as they only wanted a two piece band and i was the third player. frankly i thought i did ok with the solo in a song but they didnt think so. i was quite shattered when i heard this and it really bothered me the whole day. eventually i decided not to join them for the gig and save them the trouble. i was surprised when i found out that when they had a function to play for they didnt call me first and they asked if i could fill in for the third set! so they are making use of me eh? my fault i guess as i offered to record the solos for free as i thought they will call me to play for the concert. but i predict that i wont be and worse still i might not be even mentioned in the album credits. oh well....
i dont know but i feel that i'm at a stage where i'm just sick of playing other people's music and covers. i need to play stuff that i can connect to and enjoy just like how i used to in my army days. i feel the need to just do my own thing and not bother with how much people want me to play something else.
my teaching has kind of hit a brick wall. i'm not so willing to take new students and i just feel so tired teaching. thats a sign that i need to really take a short break and i'm hoping june will do the trick, with so many people taking a long holiday i probably will take a week off just to rethink about what i want to do next. ah well... such is my life but i'm enjoying it nonetheless
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| its a friday night and i'm stuck here at home.
i'm beginning to think that i have no friends at all, at least no ones calling me out for a drink or dinner. why must i always be the one calling people out? i dont really define my friends as someone who calls me out but hey at least do the initiating for once?
been feeling really lost lately especially after reservist. i think at least whilst i hated being in camp there was things to do people to hang out with and talk to.
now its just... space... more so since i have so many classes being cancelled. and i'm fine about it though. i dont feel motivated to teach anymore though i do know that when i have a good session it brings me back to my senses on my job.
maybe its because i feel unfufilled about my career that i should be doing more performing than anything else. and that well i need to find more purpose in life rather than just drifting along.
sometimes i cant understand why i'm failing so badly in finding someone. i admit i dont try hard enough but at least give some glimmer of a chance? well i give up, i've reached the point where i'm not sure if i'mreally meant to be commited to someone anymore. maybe thats why i'm so lost
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| so far its been a pretty bad start to the year.
weddings and CNY and now reservist have been taking a serious toll on my earnings and time. i feel like i've given so much of myself out to everyone that i'm feeling so burned out and unfulfilled with life.
there have been some good moments though, Ian asked me to play guitars to play for a covers type of gig at the esplanade and it was a good learning experience, time wise and lack of skill wise.
to be honest i hated being best man at my cousin's wedding. it was so demanding and i felt that sometimes i had to endure "looks" from his wife's family and i felt like an outsider, i mean mainly because i have never met them before and i find it weird to be someones best man and not know who my cousin was close to. i had to cancel a lot of classes too only to have them cancelled in vain due to last minute arrangements. i was really glad it was over and all too happy to drink it all away ha.
sigh lots to say... but anyway i need to change my life drastically, get away from what i've sunk myself into.
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